ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN

Postby Charlemagne » Fri Mar 03, 2006 6:56 am

Chuck Norris thought up some of the funniest Chuck Norris facts ever, but he hasn't submitted them to the internet because he doesn't believe in any form of submission.



Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.




Chuck Norris once visited The Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.




Only Chuck Norris is capable of consecutively firing a six-shooter seven times.





At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris





Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
Last edited by Charlemagne on Fri Mar 03, 2006 7:03 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby cheese » Fri Mar 03, 2006 8:57 am

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
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Postby -=)V(artin=- » Fri Mar 03, 2006 5:40 pm

hahaaha man i dont know why its so funny when its chuck norris, all the other vin diesil ones and random others ive heard are just stupid. never heard the submission one chuck, very good lol
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Postby Clizown » Fri Mar 03, 2006 8:43 pm

Haha, My soccer coach/teacher told me this one:

Chuck Norris once walked down the street with an erection. There were no survivors.
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Postby Z » Sat Mar 04, 2006 1:55 am

Man i'd feel so cool to be chuck norris right now
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Postby Fenix » Fri Mar 17, 2006 12:19 pm

Chuck Norris On Chuck Norris.
<a href='http://www.spikedhumor.com/articles/19060/The_Chuck_Norris_Facts.html?autoplay=true' target='_blank'>http://www.spikedhumor.com/articles/19060/...l?autoplay=true</a>
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Postby Lep » Fri Mar 17, 2006 10:52 pm

Einstien never really died, he got into an argument with Chuck Norris about the physics of a roundhouse kick so Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked him. We now call him Stephen Hawking.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did

We celebrate christmas on Dec 25th because Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card then and Jesus was too scared to correct him

Chuck Norris gave Jesus a 4th gift at birth. The gift of beard, which he wore proudly til his dying day.
Last edited by Lep on Fri Mar 17, 2006 10:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.
<!--QuoteBegin-Wolv+Jul 12 2005, 11:21 AM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Wolv 4 Jul 12 2005, 11:21 AM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteEBegin-->No matter how hot she is, some guy somewhere is tired of putting up with her shit.[snapback]23877[/snapback]
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Postby Hazerduz » Mon Mar 20, 2006 3:56 pm

Fenix wrote:Chuck Norris On Chuck Norris.
<a href='http://www.spikedhumor.com/articles/19060/The_Chuck_Norris_Facts.html?autoplay=true' target='_blank'>http://www.spikedhumor.com/articles/19060/...l?autoplay=true</a>



Hahahaha that was funny!
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