You have 2 cows...

Postby Wolv » Thu Feb 17, 2005 3:11 pm

DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
So You reward him with other peoples cows.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So who gives a shit?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
He will stab you after an argument.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour. But its for the good of the 'revolution'.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull and build a herd of cows.
secretely kill the cows of upstarting herders.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to
support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow.
Of course, that cow was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you
for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You pretend to sell one, lease it back to yourself, and do an IPO on
the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized
and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
The two cows you do have are robbed while you wine and dine.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
The teenage cows wear tight school uniforms that show off white panties.


GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
And invade the neighbouring farm once in awhile.
Thankfully they have eliminated the brow spotted cows from their group.


RUSSIAN (& Ukrainian) CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were
in the veterinary hospital.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
One was car bombed yesterday.
The other didn't see the American checkpoint.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking cow.
Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.

Some people vote for both.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the
best-looking cow.

NEW YORK CORPORATION
You have fifteen million cows.
You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd.
So you pick some fat cow from Arkansas.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders

ENGLISH
You have two million cows.
One gets a cold.
French people insist you kill all your cows.
You do so, because you are stupid.

SCOTTISH/WELSH/NORTHERN ENGLISH
You have many cows, sheep and deer.
Some idiot Southerner can't keep cows without them getting ill.
The French insist you kill all your cows, sheep and deer.
You are adequately compensated by the EU.
But no more American tourists come to see your cows.

NORWAY
You have two cows.
You drink their sour, coagulated milk.
This, and a cracker-like flatbread, are all you have to sustain you through winter.
No wonder you listen to Black Metal.
Last edited by Wolv on Thu Feb 17, 2005 3:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
The charm of hunting is that it is the pursuit of that which is elusive but attainable, a perpetual series of occasions for hope.
Wolv
Forum Junkie
 
Posts: 2042
Joined: Mon Jan 03, 2005 3:17 pm

Postby GTAce » Thu Feb 17, 2005 3:19 pm

i've seen some of these before, but never this many!

Wolv wrote: AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You pretend to sell one, lease it back to yourself, and do an IPO on
the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized
and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up. 

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
The teenage cows wear tight school uniforms that show off white panties. 

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking cow.
Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the
best-looking cow.

:bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown:
Last edited by GTAce on Thu Feb 17, 2005 3:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
<!--QuoteBegin--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteEBegin-->(V) -=- Larry says:
me and draggy gonna fuck u up
syrus says:
it'll take two of you
|ESF{Draggy}ESF| says:
you cant touch me anymore and you know it
syrus says:
I'm coming hardcore now bitches
(V) -=- Larry says:
bring it
<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->Image
GTAce
Forum Junkie
 
Posts: 3213
Joined: Sat Oct 09, 2004 2:00 pm
Location: Athens, GA

Postby Slorg » Thu Feb 17, 2005 8:45 pm

Good stuff
Image
Slorg
Godlike Member
 
Posts: 1625
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2004 9:36 pm
Location: Sydney, Australia


Return to Jokes

cron